By Doug Kelly

Do not you just enjoy it when your caller ID shows an unknown name or contact number however you respond to anyhow in the little chance its not a telemarketing call? Unfortunately, 99 times out of 100 it becomes just that, with one of these normal first-liners:

” Hello, this is Sarah getting in touch with a tape-recorded line. Weve been trying to reach you about your vehicles prolonged service warranty.”

” Congratulations, you just won a free trip stay at Marriott.”

” This is an important message– do not hang up the phone. Your Google service listing needs updating.”

” Hello, my name is Mike and Im calling from and we can save you 30% on your car insurance.”

” We just recently paid cash for a home in your area and questioned if you might want to offer your house too?”

Of course Mike doesnt want to hear that. And it drives home the reality that my number was autodialed, that it connected to Mike being in a cubicle in a room with 30 other Mikes wearing headsets, hes reading from a script, and doesnt have the faintest idea how much Im spending for cars and truck insurance coverage. For that matter, he doesnt even know if I own a vehicle.

About 15 minutes later, the phone would call. “Hey, this is Colonel Williams. Where in hell is the vehicle I asked for? Im going to be late for a conference.”

Not surprising that I never ever got any sales.

Our phone number took place to be one digit off from that of the base motor pool. After constant calls to our residence to request a lorry for going to officers, Dads pleas to the base operator to alter either the motor pools number or ours fell on deaf ears.

Big mistake. The next few wrong numbers found me informing curious tenants about a door-buster special on a two-bedroom home for just $200 each month.

Years later on when living in Miami, I quickly discovered that my phone number and that of a nearby home complex to be almost the very same. After getting lots of calls from interested occupants, I politely asked the home owner if he could change the number. He said two words to me that were not Merry Christmas and knocked the phone down in my ear.

I did have one stock response for those who really took my call and inevitably asked, “Wheres the catch?” My sarcastic answer: “Its in the trunk of my vehicle, Ill go out and get it.”

A common conversation went thusly: “This is Colonel Williams from the Pentagon. I require a cars and truck provided to the Visiting Officers Quarters right away.”

Often, however, Im in a devilish state of mind. Ill fence with Mike by asking just how much Im now spending for cars and truck insurance coverage. Hell responses by fishing for information on what vehicle I have and what Im spending for coverage. “But Mike,” Ill state innocently, “how do you know you can conserve me 30% if you dont know what Im paying now?”

The next call would discover Colonel Williams demanding my name. Camouflaging my voice this time, I d notify him that he must have dialed the wrong number as this wasnt the motor swimming pool. After that circumstance played out several times over the next couple of months, the motor pools number was altered. I still have compassion for the bad souls at the motor pool who unquestionably got their fannies chewed out.

I lasted a mere 5 days along with the majority of the other folks who similarly licked their injuries and vamoosed by means of the exit door. I also kept in mind a couple of telemarketers in that boiler space who prospered and appeared absolutely undisturbed by rejection. I simply didnt have their thick skin to deal with hang-ups 95 percent of the time and the other 5 percent pushing hostile strangers on the phone.

It involved a complicated procedure whereby the called person needed to initially put down the phone and go find a past electric expense. I dreaded each call connection since each subjected me to yet another exercise in masochism.

” Yes sir, itll exist in 10 minutes.”

Thereafter, whenever alone in your home and a call was available in from some bigwig requesting a car, I d pretend to be an airman at the motor pool. Even as a young teen my voice seemed like an adults.

Close on the heels of telemarketing headaches is when your phone number utilized to be owned by someone who ran up a lot of financial obligation. I still sometimes get calls from debt collection agency hoping to find the deadbeat who previously possessed my cell number. After mentioning that so-and-so dumped the number 4 years earlier and yet the very same companies once again come looking for him, they only finally eliminate me from their lists when I state that so-and-so is certainly here but hes busy with their mothers.

” Oh, sorry, I needed to take a dump. Ill be right over with the car.” I d then abruptly hang up.

If its a robocall, I just hang up; if its a genuine person troubling my time, after stating hello and hearing the start of a sales pitch I put the phone down and let him or her jabber on for a couple of minutes until hearing the off-the-hook tone. Perhaps that sounds cruel, but if someone is basically squandering my time, losing his is fair game.

” OMG, when can I come see it?”

It wasnt long before the home complex altered its phone number.

” Be here tomorrow early morning at 7 a.m. sharp, and knock hard on the managers door.”

I just wish it would be that easy detering those annoying telemarketing calls


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Close on the heels of telemarketing headaches is when your phone number used to be owned by somebody who ran up a lot of financial obligation. I still sometimes get calls from collection companies hoping to find the deadbeat who formerly had my cell number. Our phone number occurred to be one digit off from that of the base motor swimming pool. After consistent calls to our residence to ask for a vehicle for checking out officers, Dads pleas to the base operator to alter either the motor pools number or ours fell on deaf ears.

After receiving lots of calls from interested renters, I politely asked the house owner if he might alter the number.